How to Calculate Your Life Span

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Warning.  What you are about to read is highly irreverent.  If you are offended by people making light of serious issues, then you should probably read something else.  May I suggest my other site – Help Me Travel Cheap. You could learn about How to Get a Refund for Airline Tickets or Airplane Games for Kids: Make Time Fly.

My mum (“mom” for the Americans) has been talking about retirement – she’s just trying to find the right time.  The only problem is that one annoying factor is missing from her retirement equation – and it is important too – how long will she live?  Since the Bible tells us to honor our mother and father, I’m going to try and help my mother by introducing you to a homemade calculator that will help you know how long you will live.  Now, this will make retirement planning so much easier …

If your parents have already passed away, take the average age of the life span.  If only one parent is living then you can use that as a reference point.  If both parents are still living, then you’re probably not close enough to be worrying about such a heavy issue.

Now that you have your median age, you need to make adjustments based on your lifestyle choices:

  • For every 100 hot dogs you have eaten, take away one week.
  • Remove six months for each of your kids.  Wasn’t it you who said, seriously, you’re killing me?
  • If your kids are currently making good choices and seem to be reasonably responsible, then add 3 months.  If your kids are constantly making poor choices that cause you to lose sleep, then remove 1 year.
  • If you have ever used a microwave, computer, electricity, or been in contact with anything made of plastic, cotton, or silk, there is a good chance you’ve been exposed to something that causes a serious disease.  Take off a year just to be safe.
  • If you don’t smoke and don’t consume an excessive amount of alcohol, add 2 years.  If not, subtract two years.
  • For every dozen times you eaten at McDonald’s, take off 1 month.  If those occasions have been after McDonald’s introduced salads, then you might not be penalized.
  • If you’ve gone to church every Sunday, add 2 years.  I’m a preacher so I’ve got to encourage church attendance.
  • If your son is a blogger and wrote an entire post about how long you will live, subtract 1 month – how embarrassing.  If your son is a blogger who constantly makes spelling and grammar mistakes then take away 1 week for every time your heart skipped a beat and you said ,‘How does he still not know the difference between your and you’re?’

Now once you have compiled all your information, simply add your extra years and subtract the deductions.

While this post is an absolute waste of time, isn’t this the stuff that insurance companies do?  They develop a formula where they charge you for life insurance based on your statistical likelihood of death.  I wonder if their formula is more or less detailed than mine?

In the end, I think this all just goes to show that we cannot control something that belongs to God.  We take what we know, plan the best we can, and entrust ourselves to the care of God.

Round Up

And, now I’ll add something of value …

Articles To Highlight This Week

Bible Money Matters asks Should Married Couples Divide Their Money? How annoying would it get always splitting the bill at the restaurant?

Jay Guin says the ministers housing allowance may be on the chopping block.  Thanks to Matt Dabbs for pointing out the article.

Canadian Finance Blog tells us How To Cut Your Insurance Costs.  He forgot to add not to trust bloggers’ home made life span calculators.

Being a second hand shopper, I like reviewing What Should You Buy Used? What Should You Buy New? at Get Rich Slowly.  Here’s my own list of Buying Second Hand: Ten Items to be Cautious About.

Len Penzo dot Com shares A Frugal Fact: The 6 Most Valuable Grocery Store Products Known to Man.

Christian Common Cents shares Tax Credit and Deduction Adjustments to Be Aware Of.


Carnival of Personal Finance, Yakezie Carnival, Tax Carnival, Carnival of Financial Planning,


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